tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38067222011-04-21T18:06:11.810-05:00many napkinswords, words, wordsraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.comBlogger3891100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1099545842361357942004-11-03T23:06:00.000-06:002004-11-03T23:27:30.956-06:00My candidate won - he'll be going to the U.S. House of Representatives. I'm proud of the work we've done to give him the chance to represent this district. My parting gift to St Louis. I'm not overly enthused because of the presidential election, but I'm trying to focus on personal accopmplishments and my upcoming move. I'll be in the District of Columbia next week, looking for a job, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1097673209736869652004-10-13T08:13:00.000-05:002004-10-13T08:16:28.163-05:00Thanks Philo and Nancy! Who knew I'd wake up to open Queerday and find a farewell greeting from them. I just stopped working for them about two weeks ago because the job I've taken is all-consuming. I'll miss all the news and being involved in a great effort. and um, that picture, well, someone said it looks somewhat like me. who knows who it really is. well, i'm sure someone knows. raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1096135557080387482004-09-25T13:00:00.000-05:002004-09-25T13:05:57.080-05:00all politics all the time. that's me. I'm working for the Russ Carnahan campaign now, and it looks like i'll be doing that most every second until the election. not like i've got a whole lot going on elsewhere. here's some good news, too: The New York Times > Both Parties See a Big Increase in New Voters. yes, both parties are pushing non-voters to register, but it's clear from the articleraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1095786783862508212004-09-21T13:06:00.000-05:002004-09-21T12:47:48.666-05:00I haven't written because i'm overwhelmed with what to write. There's so much news out there that seems important to me, but if the regular american public doesn't see it, does it matter? I'm increasingly frustrated with reading more and more news that makes me powerfully agitated but won't get mainstream play.
And then I've been traveling a lot this month, and planning to move to Washingtonraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1095004751362866972004-09-12T10:52:00.000-05:002004-09-12T10:59:11.363-05:00i can't understand politics. I can hardly read the news any longer - it's full of implications i don't understand. Full of facts that should be detrimental to the Bush campaign but somehow aren't. it's full of intelligence nobody wants to act upon. maybe nobody's reading it anymore. it's not as if I've ever had a grasp on how other people behave. I've always watched my peers with surprise raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1094751087458943992004-09-09T11:58:00.000-05:002004-09-09T12:41:51.916-05:00Talking to a friend of mine last week, we discussed the length of my hair, which often comes up because it's so different from who i was and so different from most other people around me. I know a decent number of guys who have long hair, so I didn't think it would be a big deal. I've been surprised at how alarming it is to most people. Since there are plenty of other guys out there, i figuredraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1094674280947632842004-09-08T15:05:00.000-05:002004-09-08T15:11:20.946-05:00DC is really great. i could fall in love with it easily. the beautiful buildings, weird mix of houses, great trees everywhere, and tons of public spaces full of people. i felt like i belonged for the first time in a while - everyone was reading, whether on the metro, in the park, even walking along the street. tons of people, average people like me, were biking around, to get to work, for funraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1094056712659265032004-09-01T11:35:00.000-05:002004-09-01T11:38:32.660-05:00i'm flying today to the district of columbia, for a visit, for a look, for a romp, for a possible move later this year. job-hunting has unfortunately taken over my life, but i'm hoping for more prospects outside of st louis. and of course, that sweet man who happens to live in the district is a fine motivator. and oh what a sweet man he is.raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1093720575503774662004-08-28T14:11:00.000-05:002004-08-28T14:16:15.503-05:00ABC News reports on a Republican party celebrating the life of Johnny Cash, but understands that there is a question in many people's minds about which party Cash would have stood for. His son says he would never have said and Roseanne Carter Cash says the estate supports the party because it is led by a friend of her father's but not because it supports the Republican agenda.
However, I raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1093626320018016222004-08-27T11:51:00.000-05:002004-08-27T12:05:20.020-05:00If I were only going to live for a few more years, if I didn't have to plan for the rest of my life, I wouldn't continue as I'm doing. I'd throw away most of the junk I've been holding on to, as if it matters to me, as if all this stuff really helps me get along. i wouldn't spend so much time alone, and I probably wouldn't work a bit. I imagine I'd wander around the country visiting friends ofraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1093021920869520682004-08-20T12:05:00.000-05:002004-08-20T12:12:00.870-05:00There's a new place two men or two women can go get married, The Gay and Lesbian Kingdom. Formerly known as Cato Island, The Isle of Heaven has an emperor, Dale, who is basically making a statement against Australia who may or may not own the island. the site is hilarious, and yet with a good political message. raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1092372442306993962004-08-12T23:40:00.000-05:002004-08-12T23:47:22.306-05:00she told me i've been a good son. i said, i'd tried, but she said i did more than just try, i was good to her and helped her and she knew it and was so glad for it. all the effort, all the work i've been doing, going to see her, calling her, putting up with her just to tell her i love with her. even though it frightened me, even though i wanted to accuse her of all sorts of things. it worked.raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1092244814242969012004-08-11T12:05:00.000-05:002004-08-11T12:20:14.243-05:00I've been taking some time to think about what I should and shouldn't say here. which means i haven't said anything at all. I have character trait of analyzing problems to the last detail and ending up with inertia because i can't solve the differences.
how much of my personal life do i include here? there are stories i want to tell, about growing up, about my family that frighten me. it raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1092246413692308682004-08-10T12:37:00.000-05:002004-08-11T12:47:21.376-05:00yes, I live in Missouri, and yes, I voted against amendment two which will now put a ban on same-sex marriage in the consitution because yes, it passed overwhelmingly. But I'm not as angry about it as some, though grateful to Jeff (aug 6) who wrote a letter to the Post-Dispatch after they outrageously said Missourians chose values on that tuesday, as if gay people don't have values, they just raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1090968396102914762004-07-27T17:39:00.000-05:002004-07-27T17:46:36.103-05:00you have to work to find the good stuff. whether it's cheese or music, the best never lies around in wait. it hides in corners of libraries, behind the flour in the cabinet, in the way back of your mind. It's always been this way, as much as we look to the past as having all the things we loved. only some stores had the rare Transformers, only some beaches had warm water washing on them. I raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1090438408361155152004-07-21T14:32:00.000-05:002004-07-21T14:33:28.360-05:00I think I'm finally a man. I just successfully changed the battery in my car. yep, unhooked it, bought a new one, recycled the old one, put the new one in, and the car started. wow, i've fulfilled a gender stereotype. now i just have to learn how to grill something. raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1090426541880349942004-07-21T11:15:00.000-05:002004-07-21T11:42:33.246-05:00Celebrating the 35th anniversary of the first lunar landing, a website is carrying digital pictures of the astronauts and their antics on the moon (as weel as lots of pre-moon pictures) The Project Apollo Archive
I've always loved this story, the seven missions to the moon. I did my first research project on it for my dad during the one year I homeschooled. The pictures make it more real raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1089661824061205592004-07-12T14:50:00.000-05:002004-07-12T14:50:24.060-05:00In light of the alarming idea of the government postponing or delaying the elections
in November, I think we all need to freak out.
If the Republicans can get this one through, if they convince voters that terrorrists will attack us if we vote, i don't even know, how can democracy survive that?
Says the BBC:
"No US presidential election has ever been postponed.
Abraham Lincoln raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1089315188423892512004-07-08T14:02:00.000-05:002004-07-08T14:38:31.390-05:00I'm learning a lot. I'm learning that my football story isn't as incredible as I think it was, and yet, because it does speak to more people than i would have expected, telling it is more powerful than i realized. I'm realizing that my dad may have been more wrong and misguided than mean and cruel. I'm learning that I can remember more than I expected. I'm realizing that we're all somewhat raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1088659923980193332004-07-01T00:23:00.000-05:002004-07-01T00:32:03.980-05:00Miss Kittin is really good. Her first solo album, I Com, is fun and very cool. I'm enjoying it perhaps even more than The Gift of Gab's first solo album, 4th Dimensional Rocketship Going UP, which is awfully good itself. Of course, neither are as good as finishing the football story. I still have to write some kind of a conclusion, roll in some understanding of it. I'm still contemplating raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1088611550908055182004-06-30T10:37:00.000-05:002004-06-30T11:37:07.386-05:00As I said, spring of 94 was on of the best times in my life. I was excited about everything, about the track season, about football being over, and about high school coming to an end. My dad though, kept insisting I needed to talk to the football coaches at the Air Force Academy to help my application get through. The Academy receives a lot of applicants, some 14,000 when they only let in raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1088524025626869622004-06-29T10:26:00.000-05:002004-06-29T10:47:05.626-05:00The doctor confirmed I had broken my leg the day after the game. I was happy. I got to wear a big robo-boot around my leg, and I didn't have to play football. Sure, I still went to the practices and the games, but I just stood on the sidelines, patiently waiting for them to end. My leg didn't hurt but a few times, and mostly, I enjoyed the break. I did heal though, before the end of the raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1088117742075554182004-06-25T17:24:00.000-05:002004-06-25T16:27:57.620-05:00I gained increased independence each year of high school, both at school and at home. My parents never put a curfew on me, and once I could drive, I was often responsible for everything I needed. We rarely ate a meal together during the week, my mother being very busy with her law practice, me with sports and school, and my dad, well, I never did know what he was doing. He was often helping raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1088096271487582852004-06-24T11:19:00.000-05:002004-06-24T11:57:51.486-05:00I peaked in my weight lifting early, around when I turned 16. i still lifted with my dad quite a bit, and his weight program was the best i ever used. He and I never really did max lifts though, so I can't completely guage how strong I was. I am fairly sure I did 385 pounds with him, but that would have been after a workout, so I imagine I was stronger than that. I've always told people 365 raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1087845996986016902004-06-21T13:47:00.000-05:002004-06-21T14:26:36.986-05:00I don't want to pretend high school was miserable. In fact, most of it was wonderful - i had a great time, especially my last two years. Because I was so much bigger than those around me, guys never messed with me. I gained enough confidence from the weight room and my own parents to feel comfortable about myself. As much as my parents pushed me, they also tried to make me feel good about raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1087496784115578432004-06-17T13:21:00.000-05:002004-06-17T13:26:24.116-05:00My defensive line coach, KJ, took me aside during a water break once, to try and find out what was going on. He was probably the coach I liked the best, and the one i spent the most time with. He knew I was reluctant to play hard and wanted to know why. I told him it had to do with me being Christian. I couldn't fully explain, but it was kind of him to want to find out why. i always felt he raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1087410229622459522004-06-16T13:01:00.000-05:002004-06-16T13:37:17.316-05:00I had already learned to hide my feelings, growing up in a family that didn't express much. But football made me better at it. The fear of people knowing why i was actually playing, the fear of them knowing that I actually hated it, kept me quiet. Once in high school, I never told anyone. How could I tell them what i was doing? Who would believe that I was doing so much just to please my dadraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1087329189392040122004-06-15T14:21:00.000-05:002004-06-16T13:01:28.263-05:00I told my dad I would play football on the way to church, an evening about three weeks before high school started. I convinced myself I would play through high school and college, that i would get an athletic scholarship, that this was the best choice. I felt sheepish telling him, giving in to him after such a long time - I didn't even get the $300 he had tried to bribe me with the year before.raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1087255217493909862004-06-14T17:32:00.000-05:002004-06-14T18:35:53.650-05:00i learned to like lifting weights, after a couple of years. The response to my body became more and more positive around me. During the summer after my eighth grade year, as i turned 14, i benched 285 lbs, and word traveled fast. At a weeklong summer camp, random guys would come up to me and try to verify my bench pressing - they even convinced me to do a bit of showing off in the gym, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1087152133189628292004-06-13T13:37:00.000-05:002004-06-14T00:32:08.573-05:00I've got bug bites all over my body.
That just means it's summer.
I've got hair coming out the wazoo,
that means i'm a civilian.
I've got eyes for all the men around me.
That means I'm alive.
I've got tons of food in my fridge.
That just means I'm not poor.
I've got a nose for all the smells around me
That just means I'm high.
I've got air in all my bicycle tires.
That just means I'm raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1086896365175326722004-06-10T14:22:00.000-05:002004-06-11T14:09:04.320-05:00When the season was over, I told myself I wouldn't play again, but before I really got a chance to think much about it, my dad started me on a workout program. He bought a weight set for upper body work and we went to the gym for lower body work. My dad worked with a lot of trainers, used a lot of pills and weight-gaining drinks to remake my body. for the next two years, i spent two and a halfraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1086760379879938952004-06-09T00:35:00.000-05:002004-06-09T01:23:19.366-05:00So I played football. practice was at 6pm, well after school, and i dreaded it all day long. I remember strange parts of it, the shape of the practice field, the smell of fall and freshly-cut grass (both of which I still hate today), putting on a jock strap for the first time underneath the white football pants and my brother mercifully telling me that I needed to wear underwear underneath the raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1086742581938187892004-06-08T19:45:00.000-05:002004-06-09T00:31:54.670-05:00This is the first time i've talked about football, trying to tell the story from start to finish at least. the idea frightens me, though it's been over ten years since I last wore shoulder pads. these memories are buried deep, and most of them, i have never told to anyone. no, not my brother or my friends or even myself. I have never spoken of most of them, except for the one time i babbled raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1086627568854953672004-06-07T11:37:00.000-05:002004-06-09T00:35:09.610-05:00My dad first mentioned football while we were running. He and I ran around three miles a day when I was 12, about to enter 7th grade at a public school. I had gone to a Christian school for most of my life and then homeschooled for the past year. I was scared of the new school, scared of all the people that weren't Christians, that I expected to make fun of me. But while running, I was more raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1086362040022378322004-06-04T10:12:00.000-05:002004-06-04T10:14:00.023-05:00um, losing my job this week, need to spend some time looking for a new one, going crazy while watching the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. since i'm not used to tv, the nasty images stick in my head and give me nightmares. and thoughts about high school football - torturous thoughts, that is. i'll explain later. raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1085684559962694192004-05-27T13:47:00.000-05:002004-05-27T14:14:22.803-05:00mmm, eggs sunny-side up over cheese grits. yum yum.
I've been playing around with Instant Cool, a discussion system some friends of mine are on. A new game they made up is a music mix-off, which is right up my alley. Our first competition is a war song collection, which also, is right up my alley. so i've put one together. of course, war songs are never fun to listen to, and althoguh i raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1085617360149811502004-05-26T19:20:00.000-05:002004-05-26T19:22:40.150-05:00Salon.com has offered free subscriptions to their news reporting for active duty military members. As much as I'm jealous that I didn't have this opportunity when I was in, I'm proud of them for hoping to combat the one-sided news that most military members hear and read. Of course, i realize fully that not too many members will consider the subscription, if they're even aware of Salon in the raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1085504243974263162004-05-25T11:52:00.000-05:002004-05-25T11:57:23.976-05:00I've noticed the furor of negative news about gays and lesbians i read while working for Queerday.com has brought me down a bit. It's utterly amazing the number of vocal people out there ready to spew such condemnation towards us. I'm used to hearing it from my family, but I guess it was nice to be generally ignored in the news. Now, we're everywhere, people looking at us, our families, our raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1085181108452210632004-05-21T18:06:00.000-05:002004-05-21T18:11:48.453-05:00more abuse, more trouble, more revelations of how much damage we've done to the world. it's winter in America and where's our Gil-Scott Heron? Michael Moore seems to be more interested in himself. i don't know.
it's time agan for the Slam poetry competitions. St Louis is actually hosting the national Slam competition this year. i've been asked to judge for the St Louis Grand Slam where raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1084807402929438562004-05-17T10:23:00.000-05:002004-05-17T10:23:51.946-05:00Marriage!
raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1084430008061158362004-05-13T01:03:00.000-05:002004-05-13T01:33:28.060-05:00be your best friend. i want to, because i've been my own best friend for too long. and although i have done everything with myself, i don't enjoy giving to myself anymore; i'm just not worthy.
but you may be. we all deserve more and less than what we get, but i don't have to subscribe to that. I can give you what i want, what i have, because i have it to give.
i have music and writing, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1084337453904083342004-05-11T23:42:00.000-05:002004-05-11T23:50:53.903-05:00I'm sinking in the quicksand of my thoughts
And I ain't got the power anymore.
I saw david bowie tonight. he reminded of all the amazing ideas of his that have played through my head over the past ten years. the changes, the kooks, the sound and vision, the fashion and space oddity, the pressure I've been under, being so afraid of americans. After hearing his voice so often, singing along raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1084067892381555082004-05-08T20:54:00.000-05:002004-05-08T21:02:34.623-05:00Ok, I understand something better now - i was a bit surprised earlier at how Rumsfield and Bush were being blamed for the torture going on in Iraq. After reading up on it, apparently, the Int'l Red Cross has warned the U.S. for almost a year now that the soldiers were committing abuses both in Afghanistan and Iraq. Furthermore, a report was sent to Rumsfield in February about the abuses, upon raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1084065046905901522004-05-08T20:01:00.000-05:002004-05-08T20:15:09.750-05:00My mother left today, and I'm glad things went so well. Of course, i avoided saying so many things, and I'm left wondering if that was right. Do I value my friendship with my mother so much that I should keep quiet at every instance? How many times did I hold my tongue when she brought up politics, how much she acts like her own insensitive mother, that I help out with a gay and lesbian news raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1083863929803159572004-05-06T12:00:00.000-05:002004-05-06T16:04:24.856-05:00My mother will be here in about six hours. I'm starting to get nervous. I'm fairly confident it will be a pretty easy visit. We'll see parts of St Louis, maybe see a play, walk around and enjoy each other's company. But there's always so much that's not being said. See, my mother's love is conditional. She loves me, so long as I'm not gay in her face. She loves me, so long as I don't speakraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1083862776890627822004-05-06T11:50:00.000-05:002004-05-06T12:03:56.000-05:00I've been thinking over Bush's comment that the Iraqi prisoner torture exhibits showed him torturers who were not like any Americans he knew. I would completely disagree. The Air Force showed me a side of people I never thought could exist. I was naive at 17, obviously, but not as much as Bush at 50-some. The Academy had nothing to do with torture, but there were times when you could see raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-108364078894404622004-05-03T21:09:00.000-05:002004-05-06T12:04:34.170-05:00I love dynamic characters, the ones in movies who grow into a better person, find some epiphany and act on it. American Beauty, Broken Hearts Club, Living Out Loud, even Tootsie is really about Dustin Hoffman's growth as a person who finally understands someone else. I suppose I've always hoped to be one of those people, even consider myself one, because i have changed so much, hopefully for raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1083435894492637692004-05-01T13:17:00.000-05:002004-05-01T13:30:26.140-05:00oh, oh, Salon.com wrote a big article on Stephin Merritt of The Magnetic Fields! you can see it if you want (www.salon.com -it's the main article), you have to watch an ad or something if you don't have a subscription, but it's not that big of a deal. it's fantastic, even though scary. scary to see one of my favorite artists highlighted like he's some big pop star, even though nobody knows himraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1083173068086832792004-04-28T12:18:00.000-05:002004-04-28T12:28:37.106-05:00You read the onion, don't you? it's always funny, but there are some weeks when the humor is hardly laughable. they seem to be on a political mission this week, nailing the Bush administration for it's laziness and stupidity. The headlines,
This week's guest president: Tom Hanks (because George Bush is on vacation again), or Sept 11 Could Not Have Been Prevented Without Accruing a lot of raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1083014151963330952004-04-26T16:15:00.000-05:002004-04-26T16:19:58.686-05:00Last night, I celebrated my one year out of the Air Force, with a dream that I was still waiting to be discharged. I can't say i thought a whole lot about it yesterday - i knew it was the day that i signed out of the base, turned in my i.d. card, and became a civilian after nine years of military life. i remember. yes, it's something worth celebrating, but my mind is too caught up in what i raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1082659178272396762004-04-22T13:33:00.000-05:002004-04-22T13:43:39.233-05:00oh the news today. sickening, all the reports of death and planned destruction. no i don't want to link to all of it, just read google news, it's all over the page.
what i remember though is last summer, knowing for positive sure that we were going to war against iraq. somehow, most people missed it - the media only carried smaller stories, many of my friends figured it was all bluster, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1082229980347787932004-04-17T14:20:00.000-05:002004-04-17T14:36:30.810-05:00it's the last ten seconds of techno songs that i hate. the part where the vocals and the harmonies have faded away into the beat, the crass, loud, and monotonous beat. that's what i was just enjoying? those are the bones underneath? how was i so fooled? how could i not have noticed the simplicity, the lack of creativity?
one of my favorite depeche mode songs, stripped, talks about taking raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1082176888475541232004-04-16T23:37:00.000-05:002004-04-16T23:45:22.013-05:00ah, my first cold bath of the season. so it's not really summer yet, but it's 75 in my apartment, and the easiest way to get to sleep is to slip into a cold cold bath to lower my skin's temperature. and then not really dry off so the fan keeps my wet skin cool. it's kind of torturous and yet feels good. this is why i must leave st louis. i don't make enough money to keep my apt cooled to 68,raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1082093101766533142004-04-16T00:12:00.000-05:002004-04-16T00:30:53.153-05:00I have to confess my problem with controlling myself too deeply. i learned it from my mother, saving the good things for later, forcing yourself to eat the peas first so you can enjoy the mashed potatoes without the dread of having to eat the peas. but it's also about denial, not letting yourself do the things you love so you can save them for the best of times. it's a bad trait for the most raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1082063353385942792004-04-15T15:42:00.000-05:002004-04-15T16:27:57.450-05:00i took my first bike ride on my yellow racing bike since, well, november or something. the gears on it were really messed up, and i finally got it to the shop for repairs. i've been biking all winter, but on my cheap street bike, just moseying around town. oh, the difference. imagine driving an old chevy for a while, adjusting to its quirks and speeds, the way it turns, etc. and then, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1081622735373521332004-04-10T13:41:00.000-05:002004-04-10T13:51:06.403-05:00There's a new twist on spam that i've noticed lately, and i love it! The subject lines seem to come from a random generator, excellently almost poetic in their obfuscation of thought.
try:
whereupon global agate insure lachesis oncology hello persistent snakebird odium bilayer conductance ombudsperson melodious spain theretofore timon coquina clank cup clan trim
or:
receipt myth pork sled raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1081543166892563412004-04-09T15:38:00.000-05:002004-04-09T15:43:10.920-05:00we like the moon!
this is my favorite kind of humor. um, it's good good silliness. raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1081486225884961602004-04-08T23:34:00.000-05:002004-04-08T23:54:08.750-05:00all these heavy thoughts have actually added a bit of bounce to me lately. i think just expressing some of the thoughts and troubles i've had the past couple of months has allowed me to focus on better parts of life. hooray for melodramatic writing! when i start to over-emphasize my troubles, it helps to realize how small they are, and how much i can enjoy life. even if i do wonder if it raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1081292435080508292004-04-06T17:47:00.000-05:002004-04-06T18:04:15.653-05:00Ex-gay. The Guardian published an excellent article about the ex-gay movement, detailing a day at the Love Won Out conference. i call it a bad cover-up, an obvious scam and dismiss it. And sure, to most people, it doesn't matter. but it's the young young guys whose parents drag them there to 'cure' them that hurts me. They're the ones who have to choose. and yes, it's all a choice. sure, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1081265831553280392004-04-06T10:36:00.000-05:002004-04-06T10:40:51.356-05:00daffodils and plenty of rain. it's a happy time, right? well, just as soon as i finish my taxes. then it'll be fine. then everything will be fine, right?raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1080623712721766642004-03-29T22:57:00.000-06:002004-03-29T23:18:42.826-06:00When i graduated from the academy, all i wanted were gay friends. Since i had only two during my last year and didnt' tell them about myself until a few days before graduation, i desperately needed companionship. straight friends wouldn't have been good enough, i needed to see what other gay men were like, to know that i could express parts of myself i didn't know how to yet. i found what i raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1080451237078703122004-03-27T23:11:00.000-06:002004-03-27T23:24:04.483-06:00it's warm in here. it's hit 70 degrees in my apartment. so i've taken my clothes off to celebrate spring. it is nice, i suppose. it's not what i wanted, but how many times in our lives do we get all that we want? no, it's better to learn how to be content with what you have. so this year maybe i can enjoy the heat, let the sweat roll off, and not fret.raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1080342272709029482004-03-26T16:52:00.000-06:002004-03-26T17:07:58.653-06:00Forgiveness is difficult, of course. when you have a letter in your hand that doesn't seek to understand but only to condemn, it's difficult to say, I love you Grandma. When some words say "I don't condemn you" but others continually point out how wrong my life is, the words that say "I love you" feel hollow. I want to fight back, i want to keep arguing, to prove that i am right, that I have raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1080101689121042042004-03-23T21:55:00.000-06:002004-03-23T22:18:11.310-06:00The army is sending 30,000 new troops to Iraq. 30,000 people. do you even know 30,000 people? will you ever meet that many people? I'm sad for them, and I'm sad for us, that we have not figured out a way to, well, i don't even know. what are we supposed to do with Iraq? Since when have soldiers ever been able to bring peace? How much more of an occupying force do we look as we continue to raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1080063539116047972004-03-23T11:35:00.000-06:002004-03-23T11:42:20.340-06:00"I understand that Israel defends its own country. However the picture of a wheelchair-bound person who was killed with a rocket is probably not the best way of promoting Israeli security," Reuters quoted Cimoszewicz as saying at a press breakfast in Brussels. Jerusalem Post
raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1079721849550894722004-03-19T12:27:00.000-06:002004-03-19T12:47:29.153-06:00i used to worry a great deal about strength and weakness. Am I weak if I give in to my parents demands, if I am always a follower at work? Am i strong for coming out, for trying to realize who i am? Would I be stronger if I denied who I am (a central tenet of the Christianity my parents brought me up with), and lived by willpower and not feelings. But great strength can be used for great raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1079547123821568012004-03-17T11:57:00.000-06:002004-03-17T12:16:55.983-06:00I like discovering music i already have, bands that get lost in a giant mix of songs and newness. Today it's Kenna, thanks to Jeff. i want to know the words enough to sing along, to share the harmony they're creating. It's not music i would generally like, i don't think, but maybe that's why it's so much more exciting. it's too loud, and i'm too tired, and i need to do laundry, but listening raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1079461135423976852004-03-16T12:03:00.000-06:002004-03-16T12:22:07.733-06:00Another news story about a soldier turned conscientious objector. It's good to hear, as always, that there are people who agree with me. but i feel an immense sadness for them, the struggle they've had to go through in their minds leading up to their decision, and the struggle they will go through with the military to get out. This guy, Mejia, actually from Nicaragua, has gone AWOL to escape raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1079112823540910052004-03-12T11:23:00.000-06:002004-03-12T11:39:52.966-06:00I've never been too opinionated in my life. as i mentioned earlier, i'm slow when it comes to decisions, when it comes to defending myself. in fact, i dont' usually feel like i have to defend myself against anyone. i don't have a lot of righteous anger; i know i'm allright in myself, and have no reason to prove that to anyone. i've always shied away from opinionated people; it's no fun havingraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1079111858439052862004-03-12T11:12:00.000-06:002004-03-12T11:20:45.450-06:00Excellent article discussing the comparison of gay rights to civil rights. Leonard Pitts condemns his community for standing with the social conservatives that very recently excluded them from their churches and schools. No, it's true we queers have never been called three/fifths human in any official document, but we have been called the lowest of the low by many many people in high positionsraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1079048547322513572004-03-11T17:28:00.000-06:002004-03-11T17:45:33.013-06:00The California Supreme Court has ordered San Francisco to stop marrying us. They haven't invalidated the marriages yet, and nobody expects to rule on that subject until this summer. I wonder what Newsom will do. will he continue to defy the state government? will he accept defeat and fight in court?
The next few months are going to be big. What will happen in Portland, in Massachusetts?raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1078941329753227242004-03-10T11:39:00.000-06:002004-03-10T12:00:24.920-06:00Teaching morality is a difficult task. Our schools have to do some of it, to curb lying, cheating, stealing, and the like. I think sex education is important, too. I know I learned more from the classes i received than i ever did from my parents, or would have on my own. i was a shy kid who didn't ask questions, and who certainly didn't know what a vagina was. i would agree that teenagers raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1078444018259338702004-03-04T16:50:00.000-06:002004-03-04T17:52:08.670-06:00I woke up today, dreaming, continuing a dream i had, daydreaming, retelling the story of my high school track efforts, wondering if i could have done better than i did. I didn't dream this because i'm disatisifed with my shotput experience. I loved that sport; loved being outside throwing for a few hours a day after school. It wasn't violent football; it was just me throwing a heavy ball raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1078254349723713292004-03-02T12:56:00.000-06:002004-03-02T13:08:43.763-06:00spring, i think, is here. pity. i was looking forward to more winter. i was hoping we'd have about ten more months of it. by that time, maybe i'd be sick of it. it doesn't really matter what i think though, spring will still come to st louis. and it will probably look all bright and shiny, and i'll start to like it for that reason, even though i'll miss the snow and my double layer of coatsraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1077839836193688112004-02-26T17:43:00.000-06:002004-02-26T18:00:03.996-06:00The imagination and art of people everywhere is one of the few reasons to exist, in my mind. The feeling I get from creating and viewing art is one of the most powerful and wonderful parts of my life, and I'm so exhilirated by something surprising and new. Apparently, The Saint Louis Art Museum has been doing this sort of thing for years, having the Art in Bloom show. I hadn't bothered to comeraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1077641438962381632004-02-24T10:45:00.000-06:002004-02-24T10:53:23.013-06:00Well, our president has done it. He's backed the marriage banning us from ever getting married. I'm disappointed although not surprised. And yet, hopeful. There are people out there I know who will hear his support and refuse to support him, will see through his lies of being compassionate. Will it be enough? I don't know. who can say? I have to hope though, that his support against us raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1077571326840165432004-02-23T15:11:00.000-06:002004-02-23T15:26:32.373-06:00a friend of mine imagined a wonderful idea for me. i'm putting together an application for an internship with a Quaker lobbying group in D.C. in the process, I found a large envelope to put the application in and then realized, it's a manila envelope. ooh, i love that word. manila, it just comes out of the mouth with syllabic harmony, that dense n in the middle, oh the power of the letter n.raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1077474711660781702004-02-22T12:27:00.000-06:002004-02-22T12:34:33.420-06:00I'm so swamped with Queerday stuff lately. agh, my goodness there's so much gay news out there. good though, right? we're certainly not being ignored.
Here's an intriguing article talking about gay sexuality in terms of our defiance of national mores. We used to be promiscuous, openly sexual, defined by who we had sex with. Are we changing to fit the mode of the country, trying to get raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1077193514248336342004-02-19T06:23:00.000-06:002004-02-19T06:27:51.890-06:00This article is one of the things i'm hoping to see from the marriages in san francisco. that people will realize the incredible effect of three thousand couples racing to get married because they're so afraid they're never going to get the chance again to secure their rights. i'm hoping people see it with sympathy, that these couples have waited for 6, 15, and 51 years for this moment, and raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1076971668836592522004-02-16T16:38:00.000-06:002004-02-16T16:51:37.560-06:00Go! go get married while we have the chance! I can't believe it's happening, i think it shocks all of us, but civil disobedience can be a wonderful thing. amazing what a few people in power can do to liberate or to bind so many of us.
I've been thinking and writing about relationships quite a bit recently, not sure what's going on in my own life, not sure what I want or need or even can raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1076528360476041502004-02-11T13:29:00.000-06:002004-02-11T13:41:47.606-06:00i'm out of molasses. that's unusual.raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1076268100640983912004-02-08T13:15:00.000-06:002004-02-08T13:24:04.076-06:00Hair.
That was the topic last night at the Saints and Sinners ball last night, an AIDS fundraiser I attended with my new man. first time out with him, which was interesting, introducing him to people, etc. but it was my hair that got the most attention. I've never received so much attention for my hair. I'll admit I'm used to getting looks from guys attracted to me, but last night, i saw raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1076012230797521292004-02-05T14:16:00.000-06:002004-02-05T14:21:30.950-06:00look at where i've been! ok, i'll admit that Tennessee, Kentucky, and West Virginia, I've only barely been through, as in, once, maybe twice driving though, maybe a Waffle House stop, but that's about it. but otherwise, i'm pretty well-travelled, i think.
create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guideraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1076010780771830732004-02-05T13:45:00.000-06:002004-02-05T13:55:20.530-06:00Ice day!
so, i know that's not as exciting as
Snow day!
but, it still gets me off of work tonight, since most people don't come up for coffee when freezing rain is coating the streets with an accident invocation.
work has been trouble lately anyway, so i'm thankful for the time off. besides, i haven't gotten all my laundry put away, and i have a large pot of red beans and rice to eat off raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1075784189437019872004-02-02T22:50:00.000-06:002004-02-02T22:58:45.716-06:00i hate myself sometimes. i don't like to admit it. i shouldn't hate myself. luckily, i've found that when i admit that i hate myself, i begin to change the part that i hate into something better. so, i'm admitting tonight, that i hate a few parts of myself. i hate the part of that is so lazy, i won't even get up to get myself something to eat when i'm hungry. i'll put it off, as if it will raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1075575265867751582004-01-31T12:52:00.000-06:002004-01-31T12:56:38.170-06:00by the way, after quite a search, i found that the version of leonard Cohen's "hallelujah" I love is by John Cale (not by Cat Stevens which was my first guess), or Rufus Wainwright. Rufus' terrible, heartless (which is how i feel about most of his music) version of the song is on the soundtrack of Shrek even though the movie uses Cale's version. weird stuff. but Cale's version is incredible, raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1075569949380933352004-01-31T10:33:00.000-06:002004-01-31T11:28:01.983-06:00It's amazing how quickly dust and dirt pile up. you don't pay attention for a few days and you have all these contradicting thoughts mulling up your head so that you can't really think. you have to pull out your broom and sweep all the fallen hairs, the dirt from outside, the nameless tiny stuff all over the walls of your mind. i can feel it there, like something stuck in my teeth after a mealraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1075397709883808372004-01-29T10:53:00.000-06:002004-01-29T11:37:19.856-06:00Yes, it's been a week since i last wrote. I won't offer any details, but there's this guy . . . so my thoughts have been more occupied with him than with, well, anything else.
Politics aren't so antagonizing; I'm sad for Dean, but Kerry is better than Bush. I like this preoccupation.
Still, i have been working on a small project - remember spam haikus? things like:
pink, beefy raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1074790282456859792004-01-22T10:47:00.000-06:002004-01-22T10:53:24.873-06:00The Log Cabin Republicans have finally broken with the president. After his State of the Union speech on Tuesday, Guerriero, president of the LCR, said he strongly opposed Bush's comparison of gays and lesbians to terrorism and drug thugs.
There are still gay groups out there who will support Bush, but the major one no longer supports him. Does that mean they'll vote with us, or will they raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1074457072877879862004-01-18T14:03:00.000-06:002004-01-18T14:19:48.576-06:00I posted a piece about one of the best articles I've seen yet on queerday today. Tomorrow is the celebration of Martin Luther King's life and accomplishments. How do we as gays and lesbians fit into his dream? for most of us, it's clear that civil rights means that we are included as well, that discrimination against a black man is discrimination against a lesbian is an injustice for all of usraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1074274722432592922004-01-16T11:26:00.000-06:002004-01-16T11:41:06.546-06:00I just don't blog enough lately. of course, that's partly because I don't have a job where i get to sit doing nothing on the computer all day. i have to use my free time to sit at the computer and do nothing all day. not that i'm too opposed to that. well, i'm supposed to be; i'm trying to spend less time at the computer, but it's not really working. especially when i feel guilty for not raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1074271365867834832004-01-16T10:39:00.000-06:002004-01-16T10:44:38.373-06:00People are coming out of the strangest places lately to criticize President Bush. I don't know why they waited this long, but I'm glad they're taking the chance to voice their opinions. In this case, several military lawyers have filed a brief with the Supreme Court arguing that the White Houses refusal to allow the Guantanamo detainees any access to civilian courts is reprehensible and raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1073925083777208022004-01-12T10:21:00.000-06:002004-01-12T10:34:54.686-06:00Almost 500 U.S. soldiers dead in Iraq. We're not counting Iraqi civilians or adding to the tally, soldiers of other countries who have died.
It doesn't take much to kill one of us; we're pretty frail. I'm not going to use the number of the dead to explain why we shouldn't have gone to Iraq, or why we should stop what we're doing there. I don't want to use their deaths for any reason. I raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1073858812795940532004-01-11T16:00:00.000-06:002004-01-11T16:08:39.560-06:00I've always had something to look forward to, some life-changing event, some exciting future. getting to high school, graduating from high school, graduating from college, leaving the Air Force. what now? I'm no longer competing in triathlons; I'm not studying; I'm not sure enough about my future to say I'm leaving St Louis soon or to know what I'm going to start doing. do I need something toraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1073664316988071202004-01-09T09:56:00.000-06:002004-01-09T10:07:27.340-06:00I've talked about adult men and teenage boys before, and this article in our local St Louis paper reminds me of who i was at fourteen. In no way was I searching for sex like this boy was, but had I been, i certainly would have gone for guys in college or older and would have disdained to do anything with the tiny guys my age. See, I was pretty big for fourteen. In fact, I haven't grown much raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1073579959640229692004-01-08T10:30:00.000-06:002004-01-08T10:42:46.763-06:00I thought we had won one for the troops, when U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan ordered a halt on anthrax immunizations. He agreed with the six plaintiffs and the hundreds of people disciplined and kicked out of the service that the vaccination was not safe for its intended use and was inherently an experimental drug. I've been following this fight for several years, when the military started raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1073318008045078142004-01-05T09:38:00.000-06:002004-01-05T09:55:05.873-06:00i've been absent for a bit, concentrating on having fun with a visiting friend. and it was fun. so much fun, and so much of what i needed. i've had so many thoughts though, during her trip, and since then. ideas of resolutions, top ten music lists of last year, ways to become more creative and waste less time, ways to involve myself in more life. all those tasks you have to push yourself toraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1072657865904726752003-12-28T18:21:00.000-06:002003-12-28T18:32:33.983-06:00I am not one of them. and mostly never wanted to be one of them. one of those fabulous people who attract and reflect drama in their lives, who wear each other's fashions, who look so cute. i always wanted to be different, and i succeeded, so much that i sometimes have felt a bit of an outcast. well, it was my doing, so i can't complain. I took many hard routes in my life, and i look with raisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1072629962557293382003-12-28T10:39:00.000-06:002003-12-28T10:47:29.966-06:00Twenty-five thousand? I can't get my mind around that many deaths. that's everyone i've ever known in my life, dead, burried in the rubble of an ancient city. How does a city, a country, lose twenty-five thousand people and maintain anything? Although, Iran apparently had their largest earthquake in 1990, which killed 50,000 people. i don't understand. i can't comprehend that loss. i can'traisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3806722.post-1072535668380945082003-12-27T08:13:00.000-06:002003-12-27T08:35:54.530-06:00time to stop feeling so dramatic. my life is awfully good. Christmas is over, thankfully, and it went really well. i'm having music overload - iTunes Music Store is a good thing. What's struck me since i wrote that last entry is that I might actually learn to need people again, and admit that I need them. I have needed them all along and been very well supported, but i refused to acknowledgeraisinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02939258904378326341noreply@blogger.com0